The Big Benford Show

Jamie Oliver has a new show on TV called Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution. Have you seen it yet? He’s doing some potentially amazing things for the community of Huntington, West Virginia. And the thing is, the problem isn’t just there. If you’d like to support the Food Revolution and sign the petition for better food in schools, go do it! Good on ya, Jamie!

So I’ve been living in this world of feeling overwhelmed and chaotic for some time. I can’t seem to keep up with myself, much less anything else. I’ve been feeling like I’m sitting on the precipice of everything crumbling out from under me. Through all this, I think I’ve managed to keep my composure and whits and keep everything moving forward in my life, doing only what I absolutely need to do to keep things from falling apart. It’s affected everything from my house to my workspace to even my email.

I think it’s time for some Spring cleaning to get past all this. I’ve already started by deciding to pull the carpet out of my living room and hallway as soon as possible (maybe even this weekend!). I have to find out exactly what to do with doorways where the carpet joins the hallway to the bedrooms but I’m sure someone at Home Depot can guide me in the right direction. I think for now, I’ll acid wash, then stain my concrete once I get a little more time over the summer. Until then, my mom is going to lend me a rug so it’s not just concrete. By the way, any help/suggestions/etc. is completely welcomed. Leave comments if you have any suggestions on this project.

My finances have been tight recently as well. I’m working 3 weeks of Choice Music Events and the money I make from that will go towards paying down credit card debt I’ve recently acquired and once those are paid off, I’m freezing them in a block of ice. I guess I could go ahead and freeze the cards in ice now, huh?

I’m going back to cleaning out my home office (it’s a major disaster) and thowing or giving away what I don’t use. I have a stack of boxes in my garage waiting for a garage sale. Once I have this garage sale, whatever doesn’t sell is going to charity. No more waiting to do another garage sale. My big challenge will be to figure out how I can organize my office at work so it’s not constantly stacks of stuff. I guess I need to process stuff without putting it in a stack or something. My biggest downfall is I hate to throw things out.

Anyways, it’s all about cleaning up and moving forward. I’m not sure what exactly it is that I’m holding on to or what’s holding me back but I don’t care. I’m making this forward push happen!

Love you, mean it!
~C

Love is an interesting word because it’s a word we all know but can’t describe because it has so many meanings to just one person. It’s also become a word we’ve come to throw around hap-hazardously, or do we? Why am I choosing now to write about this? Honestly, I’m not sure. I was thinking about a friend I miss and started thinking about love.

I use the word love often but I’m not sure that I don’t mean it each time. Okay, double negatives…let me be more clear. Each time I use the word love, I think I truly mean it in one way or another and I think it’s legitimate.

I love my family. That’s a given. But I also have people in my life that I feel I’m connected to like they are family and I love them unconditionally as I love my immediate family. I would do anything for them, if it is at all possible.

I love my students and I try to tell them often how much I care for them. I don’t have kids of my own and I’m not really sure that I will. I think many of us understand how band is like a family in its own right and although these kids aren’t my own, I try to look at them as they are family and be fair in that nature. It’s hard when you have 180+ kids in your family, too! It’s like I go to work everyday with my nieces and nephews. It’s an interesting dynamic and I think they appreciate the love I show them in my teaching and in my guiding them through their teenage (and then some) years.

Here’s the tricky one - being in love with someone romantically. This is the one that confuses and hangs up many men and women over time. There are several men I’ve dated that I’ve truly loved. And each one still holds a special place in my heart. I feel the love I felt for one is not quite the same as for another. I believe (as do many magazines and psychiatrists) women and men feel love and show love in very, very different ways. Unfortunately, this difference can create very uncomfortable lives for some. Ironic, isn’t it - love creates uncomfort. I also find it ironic how love can cause fear as well. But I try to overcome my fears with honesty.

I don’t consider myself to be severely selfish in nature. There have been times when I feel I’m so filled with my love for someone (usually not the romantic kind) that I just have to say it - “I love you”. Sometimes the words are returned and sometimes it’s not. This is one of the selfish things I do, I don’t say it for your benefit, I say it for mine.

But regardless, if I tell you I love you, I mean it. Our relationship fills my heart and I just can’t help letting you know.

So why did I write all this? It filled my brain and I had to let it all out. I guess another selfish moment. Have a wonderful day!

Love you, mean it!
~C

Good morning.

This morning, when the alarm went off for me to take Clipford on his daily walk, Pfema jumped on the bed, got in my face and was panting. This was certainly not normal and Pfema has always been very good about letting me know when he needs something so I could not ignore it. I called the Animal Emergency Clinic and they said any types of breathing problems is a feline emergency so I gathered Pfema & Clipford and headed to the vet. When I arrived, they took him right back for x-rays then to give him oxygen (they put him in a box that’s sealed and gets filled with high quantities of oxygen). The doctor showed me that the x-rays and pointed out that the area that should show healthy lungs (air shows black on x-rays) was creamy white - fluid in and around the lungs. It was also very difficult to distinguish the lung and heart areas. She said that this was most likely caused because of heart disease (common in older cats) which causes lungs to fill with fluid.

I wrote that on Tuesday, March 2, 2010. I still can’t write anymore but I thought I’d start by taking it out of “Drafts”.

It’s 10 am and I’m still in my pajamas. But I got home and to bed fairly late last night (or early this morning) after celebrating Crystal’s birthday and making sure people got home okay (then picking up a little snack). Fun was had by all and there was NO DRAMA!!! YAY!!!! So, I’m going to write my Sunday To Do Blog while still in my PJs.

I’ve got a hand full of To Dos today and if I post and cross them off here, I think it might keep me accountable to get it done. We’ll see. Here’s my list:

Sunday’s To Dos:

That’s not too many things, especially because the dishwasher is running right now. My girlfriends & I decided to take up a Groupon offer that came in for Bollywood dance lessons so for the next 4 weeks, we’ll be learning a new dance style. I’m really excited. Too bad next year’s show won’t incorporate any world music. Alright, on to a little breakfast and the to do list! Happy Sunday!!

Clipford decided to air dry after getting his bath and being toweled off a bit. He spins SO FAST!!!

So, I got everything done except prep my tax stuff. It’s all in one place (pretty much) but my accountant sends me a worksheet thing each year that I just need to go through so it should be manageable tomorrow. I made a beef stew today, too so I guess that’s a good substitution. I’ll blog the recipe/process with pictures later. Now, I’m gonna enjoy the Grammy’s, shower and go to bed.

I have no idea what’s wrong today but my ability to focus worse than normal! This usually happens when I have a bit too much coffee but I haven’t had anymore than my daily amount (1 travel cup) so I have no idea. I can’t seem to finish a thought, much less a task without getting distracted by something else. My office desk has become a complete disaster and that certainly doesn’t help my brain try to find order. I’m certainly surprised I’ve been able to write even this much without feeling like “OMG, what about this other project I forgot I was working on…two days ago?”. Okay, I remember what project I need to finish next so I’m gonna do it before distraction hits again.
Dueces.
~C